chatroom of love and doom
by moony-is-a-werewolf
Summary: inspired by a random fic i read....... chatrooms can lead to anything right? right so u mix in dumbles, the potions dude we all love, and the rest of the hogwarts cast, plus romance and the duck lord from a ff i read and u get love and doom!rated t w/ m
1. Chapter 1

Stupid mandatory assignment! Stupid Dumbledore! Stupid mad headmaster! That's all that was running through everybody's head as Dumbledore explained the assignment. A whole year of chatting with people on the internet! Worse of all it was with everybody in the school and no one would be able to know who was who! Harry Potter and Hermione just glanced at each other with knowing smirks on their faces. This did not please Ron.

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Its just it's gonna take most people a whole few days to figure out how to turn the laptops on" Hermione replied as the feast appeared. Harry started piling food onto his plate before he looked at his new iMac.

"Cool computers though. And at least we can't get in trouble for on-line fights" he said as he opened the laptop and turned it on. Turns out Hermione was wrong because nearly everybody had turned their laptops on already and was starting the whole 'cursed blog assignment thing Dumbledore cooked up'.

"Hmmmm. No that can't be people will figure it out. Ummmmmmmmmmmm yes that's it!" Harry muttered to himself as he typed slowly and deleting things that didn't please him. Hermione's fingers were a blur and Ron was just staring at the screen.

Up at the head table……………

"_Maybe finally those two can get together at the end of the year. My plan is going to work perfectly I hope"_ No one noticed the strange twinkling in Dumbledore's eyes that accompanied the usual one. No one but Severus Snape that is. His laptop was open and he was already chatting with someone but he had looked up to see the glint in Dumbledore's eyes and he didn't like it.

* * *

_/myhairisntgreasy is in the public chat room/_

**/iloveaslytherin is in the public chat room/**

* * *

**iloveaslytherin: so whats up with the headmaster now?**

_myhairisntgreasy: dunno. He has this strange look in his eyes…. Anyways the only reason its bothering me is because it reminds me of someone……………_

**iloveaslytherin: oh who? Mind you just talking to you for these past few minuets has made me think of someone as well**

_myhairisntgreasy: a rash Gryffindor who rushes right into danger but ends up saving the day for all of us. But every time he does it, there's something poetic about it. Something that makes it almost slytherin as well. Its really nice you know._

* * *

/books-r-us has entered the chat room/

* * *

books-r-us: oh hello

**iloveaslytherin: hey. How are you this fine evening**

_myhairisntgreasy: hmm. I think I know who you are….. books-r-us. I mean there is only one person who loves books next to resident werewolf sitting next to me_

books-r-us: well I know who u r because there is only one person who would deny his hair is greasy but I wont say anything. And whats wrong with professor lupin hmm?

* * *

_**/the-moon-hates-me has entered/**_

* * *

_**the-moon-hates-me: who we talking about now? And hello to you all**_

books-r-us: well we are talking about one of the professor since SOMEONE in here thinks theres something wrong with him

**iloveaslytherin: yeah. He's best friend with my godfather, also on the Hogwarts staff, he has a 'furry little problem', and he is in love with books almost as much as my best female friend sitting next to me**

_myhairisntgreasy: off topic now. We were discussing how the headmaster reminded me of someone with the glint in his eyes next to the weird twinkle in them._

* * *

**/padf00t21 has entered the room/**

* * *

**padf00t21: hey peoples!**

_myhairisntgreasy: oh great. You know what. I think I shall finish dinner and then go to my rooms to work on the infernal blog biography thing that stupid ol coot we call a headmaster is having us do with this infernal thing._

* * *

_/ myhairisntgreasy has signed out of the chat room/_

* * *

_**the-moon-hates-me: I think I shall go too. Oh and padf00t21…. Way too obvious who YOU are mate**_

* * *

_**/the-moon-hates-me has signed out of chat room/**_

* * *

**iloveaslytherin: must go too. Got things to do and I want to get them done so I can get back on. I actually already like this project**

* * *

**/ iloveaslytherin has left the chat room/**

* * *

books-r-us: think I shall go too before my friends try to kill each other now. I'll chat with u soon padf00t21

* * *

/books-r-us has left the chat room/

* * *

**padf00t21: bugger. Might as well leave too until later. Maybe remus will talk with me…………………..**

* * *

**/padf00t21 has left the chat room/**

* * *

"Well just had an interesting chat" Harry thought to himself as he helped Hermione, Head Girl, with the Head duties (Hermione and Harry were Head girl and boy).

"So chosen your screen name yet?" Hermione asked as the two of them finally headed to the head Boy and Girl dorms.

"Yeah. But you'll never figure it out. Already figured out one but that's because he was way too obvious and there was someone else's who I was pretty sure on. Anyways had a nice chat before logging off for the time being" Harry replied fondly as his thoughts drifted off to think of the slytherin who he had fallen in love for (and he had fallen rather hard).

"Really? Hmm I wonder what Ron is going to choose. Well must go update my page. Night Harry" Hermione went into the Head Girl rooms, leaving Harry sitting alone in the common room of their dorms. Harry sighed and then opened the iMac again. He logged on and then went to his page.

* * *

**PAGE FOR iloveaslytherin**

**Name: cant say but take a wild stab**

**Residence: Hogwarts obviously or I wouldn't be doing this**

**Age: 17 and loving every minuet of it!**

**Description: cant say either but again take a wild guess**

**Favorite hobbies: playing quidditch, DADA, messing with unwary slytherins and godfathers, using the items passed down from my father and his friends to my advantage, playing quidditch, staring at someone ect ect**

**Dislikes: a certain blonde slytherin, voldy, the crazy bitch who thinks she's in love with voldy, Dark Arts, ummmmmmmmmmmm cant think of anything else**

**Favorite food: chocolate snitches!**

**Sexual orientation: (GONNA MURDER DUMBLEDORE FOR THIS SINCE THIS IS MANDATORY!!) gay and actually proud of it.**

**Favorite drink: Butterbeer or a Shirley temple (muggle drink)**

**Summer residence: was at my distasteful aunt's and uncle's house **

**Well it would seem that Dumbledore has decided to lose the last of any brain cells he had. But it could turn out to be rather beneficial in the end. Who Knows?? Anyways………………. Im ready to show my true self now that that fucking "dark lord" has kicked the bucket (and we all know who we have to thank for that : ). Am I right??). so anyways I guess if you can't guess who I am then you will find out the end of the year…………………………**

* * *

**/iloveaslytherin**_** has received a message from: **__myhairisnotgreasy.__** Click ok to accept/**_

* * *

Harry clicked the ok button and the message popped up. Harry read it as a certain image of a certain someone floated through his head because whoever myhairisntgreasy was reminded Harry of him.

* * *

**Iloveaslytherin,**

_So I was checking your profile out and noticed you wanted to kill the headmaster. Well I can help you there. I know a guy who is great with potions and stuff, particularly poisions, if you want. Anyways…………………………._

_Its late and we must get to sleep because classes begin tomorrow._

_Thought I could help,_

_myhairisntgreasy_

* * *

Harry chuckled and wrote a short reply before turning the computer off and heading off to bed.

* * *

In the teacher's private chat room…………...

Sugar-addicted: so how is everybody?

_myhairisntgreasy: ticked off. I cant believe that headmaster is making the teachers participate in this infernal project!_

**katwoman2134: cant blame him. I think he was dropped on his head as a baby**

Sugar-addicted: I for 1 kno tat he got permission from the Minister himself to go ahead with this and in fact the public will have access to this.

ShortandPROUD: couldn't that spell oh I don't know…….DANGER for us!?

Sugar-addicted: not at all. Well we must take our leave. Classes tomorrow and we can see what fun the headmaster has created already

* * *

_**Author's notes: so I was inspired by some random fan-fiction I read and well thought it would make for a funny romance story. So voldy isn't dead yet and will be making an appearance in a few chapters. I have also decided it wont be all chat room because that's just me. Ok on to nicknames………………**_

* * *

**iloveaslytherin:**_** harry potter**_

_myhairisntgreasy:__** severus snape**_

books-r-us:_** Hermione granger**_

**padf00t21:**_**Sirius black (well duh!)**_

_**the-moon-hates-me: Remus lupin : )**_

Sugar-addicted: _**Albus Dumbledore**_

ShortandPROUD:_** filius Flitwick**_

**katwoman2134:**_** minervia mcgonagall**_

* * *

_**kk so R&R and leave screen names for the rest of the cast and what you want to happen please! –moony-is-a-werewolf**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Journal of: myhairisntgreasy_

_Subject: 7__th__ years first thing today and double period with them! Oh and did I mention the Weasley twins are back??_

_So as you can see my start of the first day of term is to be interesting. Double period with the 7__th__ years (and all of them since there are like………………… 10 kids in said class. But that's not the problem (since one of the Gryffindors isn't in it to blow the classroom up). The problem is the person I am in love with is in that class (and to anyone who has managed to get their dunderhead brains out of their arses to figure out who I am, then yes I can love and I do love!)._

_Im worried that he might get hurt or something worse. Plus the way he concentrates is enough to get me distracted. I think he could manage quite well if some people didn't try to ruin his potions but I would NEVEREVER tell him that. I mean who could LOVE ME!_

_Now onto my second issue: THOSE DRATTED WEASLEY TWINS ARE BACK!! I mean yes their pranks are impressive and well thought out, but they can get on my nerves sometimes. Well that's it for now. Must go sulk through breakfast and then scare people until they wet their pants (and what respective slytherin wouldn't??). So I must become one with the scowl and head out from my "hidey hole"_

_-posted on September 2__nd__ (Monday)_

* * *

**Comment on: journal of myhairisntgreasy:**

**First off I hope you and whoever your in love with get together. Because you seem way too cool for someone NOT to love you.**

**Second the Weasley twins have left a legacy rival to the Marauder era (what a great era at that). I totally agree with you on them except for the "they get on my nerves part".**

**-iloveaslytherin**

* * *

_comment on: journal of myhairisntgreasy_

_hello thing 1 here! I would just like to say: WHO IS THIS PERSON YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH!?_

_Second: the Weasley twins are a work of pure genious if I do say so and would like them to know that, wherever they are, my partner(thing 2) and I are HUGE fans of them and pray that we get to meet them someday!_

_-thing 1_

* * *

_**comment on: journal of myhairisntgreasy**_

_**so why do you say your hair isn't greasy??**_

_**-thing 2**_

* * *

**Journal of: iloveaslytherin**

**Subject: sexy dream of a sexy man**

**OMG LAST NIGHT I HAD THE SEXIEST DREAM EVER!! Ok ok ok I must calm down. Now while I cannot reveal his name, the guy I dreamt about is incredibly sexy and not as people say he is. And I had this very steamy dream that got a certain part of my anatomy ummmm "steamed up" and it took me nearly half an hour to "take care of it". I mean that's if you catch my drift.**

**Well everything is as it should be here at Hogwarts. Students are up early (but I was up even earlier) and nearly everybody is on their laptops right now as I look around the Great Hall. Oh and I just caught his eye! HOLEY FUCKING CRAP I CAUGHT HIS EYE AND THERE WASN'T EVEN ANY COLDNESS OR HATRED IN THEM! FUCKING SHIT! Well gotta go. One of my friend's is freaking me out with a little look I like to call "are you even paying attention to what im saying?"**

**-iloveaslytherin.**

* * *

comment on: journal of ilove a slytherin

ok so whoever you are you cant possibly be a slytherin because well, lets face it slytherins defiantly do not admit that they love each other. So that leaves Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor. The least likely of the three is Ravenclaw, since they have their faces stuck in books all day.

Second: so who is the lucky slytherin your in love with? Please don't tell me that Malfoy! I don't care if he and his family were really spies or not, he still is the pomperous man-whore, male version of a bitch.

Third off I do not think we need to hear even the vague details of your "sex" dreams or what-not. So please try to keep those to yourself and I think we will all be happy now.

- GoWestHam!

* * *

Comment on: journal of iloveaslytherin

My inner eye tells me that you and this "person of your dreams" will be together by the end of the year. My inner eye would also like me to warn you of a betrayal when a close friend of yours finds you two making out in the shadows two weeks after you and your crush get together.

-youWILLdieINsevenDAYS

* * *

Harry shook his head as he read through the last comment on his first journal entry, knowing full well who would be draft enough for such an absurd screen name. Hermione sat beside him, her fingers a blur like the previous night and in the public chat room. Remus and Sirius were doing the same thing , both intently focused on what was sitting on the screen before them.

* * *

books-r-us: im telling you! Whats left of me by nick lachy is the perfect song for him!

**/iloveaslytherin has entered the chat room/**

**iloveaslytherin: what song fits who?**

_**The-moon-hates-me: oh books-r-us here is saying that whats left of me fits a certain potions professor here at Hogwarts and padf00t21 disagrees and says that Addams family theme song fits him better**_

**Iloveaslytherin: ok so give me some of the lyrics of each and I can tell you what I think**

books-r-us: coming right up!

**katwoman2134: all participants must log off and head off to their respective classrooms, whether they be students or teachers. You have 10 minuets.**

_**/all participants of the public chat room have left the building/**_

* * *

**private message to:** myhairisntgreasy

**so how is your day going? Im only on because history of magic is still the most boring class here even if professor black is teaching it now. But I don't think he seems to mind because he has the attention of everyone even with the laptops out.**

**Anyways……………………………… my day is going alright. My potions professor seems to hate me even more for no reason what so ever but the pomperous slytherin prince is treating me and my friends decently for once. I wonder if that kid fell off his broom over the summer holidays and hit his head on the ground rather hard because he hasn't thrown one single snotty remark at me nor my friends. Don't get me wrong I like the change, but its still a little weird.**

**I also recently found out that the freak accident that killed the duck lord, as I now want to call him, didn't kill him but no matter. We all know who will save us in the end right?? **

**I would also like to point out that he can access this site since this stupid thing is totally public and ANYONE can get on it. Thankfully you can't tell your username and that there are anti-hacking spells on this site. Makes me sleep a little better at night.**

**Umm better go. Professor Black would like to speak with me and I don't know why because he seems to love me. (lol).**

**- iloveaslytherin**

**Oh p.s: youWILLdieINsevenDAYS is going around making predictions to watch out and watch what you put in the journal part of this infernal assignment.**

**-iloveaslytherin**

* * *

_THING 1'S profile_

_Name: the greatest of thing 1 and thing 2_

_Location: currently Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry (we are only there on the headmaster's request and the fact that we want to cause mayhem)_

_Age: well lets see……..if my youngest brother was a ickle 5__th__ year when thing 2 and I left, and he is a 7__th__ year now, then that would make me and thing 2 19 years old_

_Favorite hobbies: playing matchmaker (and the best friend of our little brother is next), pranking, discovering the marauder's' secrets, inventing new jokes, gags, and pranks, testing pranks on our investor and his little friends, ummm nothing I guess_

_Dislikes: certain blonde bouncing ferrets (we will NEVER forget that), our older brother, ummm anyone who doesn't like a decent joke here and there (only kidding), wizarding music (muggle music is WAY better). Oh and the toad face person we got for our DADA class in our 7__th__ year_

_Favorite food: chocolate ice cream topped with hot sauce (weird huh)_

_Sexual orientation: im as straight as they get_

_Favorite drink: mountain dew (muggle drink)_

_Summer residence: none of your arse's beeswax ya hear??_

_So my twin and I, thing 2, are here and ready to cause mayhem and such, resulting in the biggest pranking war in the history of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. It will go down in history! We also want to get a certain Gryffindor together with a certain slytherin (and yes we know who they are so don't ask us and please don't ask us to tell you who they are)._

_Well that's everything. Oh and in the words of one of our mentors: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!_

_-thing 1_

* * *

**TEACHER'S CHAT ROOM**

_myhairisntgreasy: the "golden trio" are just as annoying as always.._

**padf00t21: I think they are rather smart. And they ARE not annoying. As for the main person of interest in said group, he has gotten rather…………..well dare I say he has gotten damn sexy but I know he isn't my type. But speaking of who my type is…… a certain DADA professor is rather sexy and so my type**

_**the-moon-hates-me: well I just happen to know that he is seeing someone so he's taken. And just explain to me why we are discussing who's sexy and who isn't?**_

_myhairisntgreasy: good gossip, though I detest it._

* * *

ok so heres chapter 2 and i have decided that most of this (if not all) will end up as chat room. the very last chapter, however, will not be in the form of a chat room (since i have great plans for this story). anyways R&R and leave me screen name suggestions. -moony-is-a-werewolf

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Student Chat Room**

**iloveaslytherin: I hate Snape now!**

_**ILoveHarryPotter: what has he done now?**_

bookwormluver: took points off harry for carrying his laptop around! Geeze even HE had his stupid laptop

_thing 1: well I think I know a few people who can take care of him_

thing 2: oh who??

_thing 1: twin's secret my dearest twin_

books-r-us: should we be doing our homework?

bookwormluver: you sound just like Hermione Granger

books-r-us: hmph!

* * *

/books-r-us has left the chat room/

/theking-of-slytherin has entered the chat room/

* * *

the-king-of-slytherin: so what are you lowly lifes talking about?

**iloveaslytherin: a certain blonde, bouncing ferret**

_**ILoveHarryPotter: yeah. We are trying to figure out how to prank him**_

The-king-of-slytherin: he cant be that bad

**iloveaslytherin: definitely a slytherin. G2G bye**

* * *

**/iloveaslytherin has left the chat room/**

* * *

_**ILoveHarryPotter: whats with him??**_

* * *

Journal of: the-king-of-slytherin

Subject: Potter and the stupid Golden Trio

Well it would seem that Potter and the Golden Trio are causing quite a stir. They have been found either on their laptops or chatting with the stupid and incompetent Professor Black and Professor Lupin. I mean what do those two see in the golden trio? They aren't anything special.

On other news: I think I must be going crazy but I actually like muggle music. Especially……….. Sweeney Todd. For those who are too lowly to know what Sweeney Todd is, then you have your brains in your arses like the know-it-all. Sweeney Todd is a musical and a thumping good one too. It's about a Demon Barber (reason number 1 why its good: it has lots of blood in it) and most of the music/songs are dark and mysterious. Here are the lyrics to my favorite song:

_These are my friends.  
See how they glisten.  
See this one shine...  
How he smiles in the light.  
My friend.  
My faithful friend...  
Speak to me friend.  
Whisper...  
I'll listen.  
I know, I know you've been locked  
out of sight  
all these years, like me  
My friend...  
well I've come home to find you waiting.  
Home, and we're together!  
And we'll do wonders.  
Won't we?  
You there, my friend?_

_Come let me hold you.  
Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand.  
My friend!  
My clever friend..._

_Rest now, my friends.  
Soon, I'll unfold you.  
Soon you'll know splendors  
You never have dreamed  
all you days,  
my lucky friends  
'Til now your shine was merely silver.  
Friends, you shall drip rubies, you'll soon drip precious rubies...  
(spoken)  
AT LAST! MY RIGHT ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN!_

Thumping good song. I have a few others but since my girlfriend is saying Professor Snape wants to see me, I should go. Update later

-the-king-of-slytherin

* * *

comment on: Journal of the-king-of-slytherin

**I must say I shall be checking this musical out. I have a cousin who has the movie so I think I shall "borrow it" next summer when I return to pick up the last of my "things" before I move in with my godfather. And that is a good song.**

**-iloveaslytherin**

comment on: Journal of the-king-of-slytherin

you sound like Malfoy. You really do. You talk of the golden trio and Harry Potter as if they were a bunch of blood traitors and what not.

-bookwormluver

comment on: Journal of the-king-of-slytherin

if you're the king of slytherin, then how come your paying attention to such trivial muggle things? And did you know that Sweeney Todd dies in the end??

- books-r-us

* * *

**PROFILE OF: padf00t21**

**Name: ummmmm **

**Residence: Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and wizardry**

**Age: 38 years of age**

**Description: very handsome ;) **

**Favorite hobbies: pranking, hanging out with my godson, going on dates with my boyfriend, pranking, terrorizing one of the other teaches here, watching my godson's quidditch games ect ect**

**Dislikes: werewolf haters, most slytherins (one or two aren't that bad), one deranged cousin, moldypants, my deranged cousin, moldypants, and did I mention my deranged cousin??**

**Favorite food: chocolate covered strawberries**

**Sexual orientation: as gay as my godson**

**Favorite drink: hmmm a nice glass of firewhisky or a nice fanta orange (muggle drink)**

**Summer residence: somewhere in London but other than none of your beeswax**

**So I think everyone wants to murder dumbles for such an assignment but they rather like it at the same time. I think that the headmaster has lost his marbles if he thinks he can create inter-peace through this by the end of the year. I laugh to that. Well must dash. My boyfriend awaits ;) –padf00t21**

* * *

re: private message to:** iloveaslytherin**

_History of magic will always be boring I assure you. Binns only started teaching as a ghost in my 5__th__ year and Professor Black doesn't seem to be making the class much better (though I've heard he will be trying to re-act some things. I hope not.)_

_As for the slytherin prince: he has faced some rough bumps and things this summer so he will be acting a bit weirder than his normal pomperous self for a while. But I have a feeling that he shall be returning to norm in a few months._

_The…duck……….lord. funny. Good thing he cant read this. And while you are correct about him accessing the sight, I highly doubt that he would be able to figure out who is who so don't worry._

_Just thought I would say that you have the same sense of humor of the boy that I have fallen for. Strange eh??_

_-myhairisntgreasy_

* * *

**PUBLIC CHAT ROOM**

funkmasterV: well 'ello poppet

**iloveaslytherin: umm hello. Have you watched Pirates of the Caribbean recently??**

funkmasterV: yes. With out my……..friends with me all the time, it gets rather lonely and so I indulge in the muggle movies, particularly the ones from the states. Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors

**iloveaslytherin: im partial to Alan Rickman because he reminds me of someone**

* * *

**/motherBear23 has entered the chat room/**

* * *

**motherBear23: well hello you all**

**iloveaslytherin: why hello**

funkmasterV: hello

* * *

/ _thing 1 has entered the chat room/_

* * *

_thing 1: heads up. If you want to catch a nice prank, head to the Great Hall early and get good seats_

**iloveaslytherin: ummmmmmmmmmmm why?**

_thing 1: I hear the Weasley twins are at it again and apparently toad face is back so the prank is on her_

**iloveaslytherin: I love a good prank on toad face**

_funkmasterV: toad face?_

**iloveaslytherin: nasty woman. When she taught DADA a few years back, she would give these detentions and forced to write lines…………… with a blood quill**

_thing 1: anyways. Prank to be happening in 5 minuets when she arrives so if you are a student at Hogwarts hurry up_

**iloveaslytherin: I'll be only a moment. Must finish up stupid potions essay**

* * *

**/iloveaslytherin has left the chat room/**

* * *

**motherBear23: must dash too. My oldest boys are home and dinner is needed to be made**

_thing 1: and I have things to do, like watch a brilliant prank and then write to me mum_

_funkmasterV: I should go as well for I have a meeting in an hour and half._

* * *

_/thing 1 has left the chat room/_

_/ funk master has left the chat room/_

_**/**_**motherBear23 has left the chat room/**

* * *

_A/N: My Friend belongs to Sweeney Todd_

_funckmasterV: Voldie_

_thing 1: Fred_

_thing 2" George_

_ILoveHarryPotter: Ginny_

_bookwormluver: Ron_

_the-king-of-slytherin: Draco Malfoy_

_i want to thank imdeadsothere for the contribution of screen names._

* * *

_**R&R and standard disclaimers apply -moony-is-a-werewolf**_


End file.
